Working out with weights
A simple weight lift can do wonders. You don’t have to lift it far, you just have to pick it up. A nice start though, keep it up, just past the knee to about the middle of the thigh then back down. Start with a small amount of weight though. Your goal’s not to become a weight lifter, just a person who lifts weights.
The Wrecking Ball
Thanks to Miley Cyrus’ Wrecking Ball video we got to learn that hammers make good work out equipment. So does riding a wrecking ball, it’s great for the lower back and thighs but it would seriously trash your house. Plus you’d need a crane, hammers, especially big hammers, like sledge hammers. Be careful what your pounding on though, it might break or fly off and hurt. Whack something like a bale of hay or maybe a big piece of wood. You could pound on a big pile of pillows or some folded up blankets. Be sure to change arms your using to whack so one of them doesn’t get tired and injured.
All you need is a broom or go to a Depot and get a dowel rod. It’s a round stick of wood, maybe a curtain rod. Just find something long a straight to hold behind your head for balance and squat up and down. Not far at first, just a little. Then a little more then a little more. Your smart, you’ll figure it out.
Build A Thigh Spreader
Or go buy Pilates, they do miracles for your thighs. A lot of equipment is good but this is one is great. At least we like it, otherwise stay here and maybe we can find cheaper alternatives for you to use. If you do buy a Pilate or some other piece of equipment, you are now obliged to upload it to You Tube so we can make a gif of you. Otherwise the next DIY gym equipment is easy!
It’s a piece of rope, tie knots in the end to make it easier to hold. Not at the very end, leave a piece long enough to hold. Try a couple of times, then maybe a few more. If it’s not working out then refer back to the top of the page. Keep trying the steps above over and over again. You’ll get it, it’s just a freakin’ jump rope.
When you are about to watch a T.V. show that you didn’t really care about, that was a cue to go for a walk. You can also walk when your stressed, need to think or just want to relax and be alone. They can be from two minutes, just go out the back door and come through the front door or they can be up to thirty minutes. But just like the jump rope, start slow. Don’t go farther from the front door than you want to make it back again.
By this point you should be a professional pole dancer. With master control of the pole you have accomplished the goal of our gym, to make women feel like they can do something bigger than themselves. So put on your favorite shorts and go for a walk. Unless it’s cold, then your gonna want your yoga pants on. But if it’s warm, then we like your shorts.
If this part of the course is to hard, please refer back to the top of the page and repeat. If we didn’t love you, we wouldn’t care.
Once you have accomplished the pole dance making your leg float over your head should be easy. I mean like how hard is it to find a bench. If not I bet a couch would work. It’s not like we are trying to get you to pick up a Cadillac. Just stick your leg over your head. That will get someone’s attention. If it’s not for some reason working, then please refer to the top of the page.
By now you should be able to see the bottom of your own foot. As your butt comes closer to your head your foot is capable of exposing it’s soul to yourself. This is the true path to enlightenment. To experience ones own soul, like literally.
If you are not able to see the soul of your own foot, then please refer to the top of the page and try again.
The Shorts Magazine
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