2012 year end review
the 10 most notable internet events for 2012
10. Miley cuts her hair.
O.k., I know, this doesn’t compare to shaving your head but it still got just as much attention.
Hollywood’s no talent slut (dates same guy for three years, sings “The Climb”) hits a bong then cuts her hair off and tweets, “do you realize we are all floating in space?” And their off, the media hounds that is, but I guess if my hobby was chasing Miley Cyrus with a camera I’d jump too. Disney’s Hannah Montana passes on into hipsterdom as the crowd watches and it’s still better than reality T.V.. Miley Cyrus finishes the year in black leggings, snake-skin boots, a bra top and her new hair, you can find Mileys Bun on twitter keeping everyone updated on the stars current status. Little does anyone realize that Miley cut her hair to do a dubstep video called Decisions by Borgore, featuring rainbow unicorm zombies and lots of cake.
Photo courtesy of MemeCat.com
9. Overly Attached Girl Friend.
The first time I met her she was just a meme but when I heard her sing on You Tube, I knew I was in love. Now she’s everywhere, wzr0713’s channel has over 51 million views. Nice job internet, this too, is still better than reality T.V.. She also made Google’s tribute to 2012 video!
What guy doesn’t want a girl to want him this much.
Photo courtesy of MemeCat.com
8. NASA finds the edge.
Space, the final frontier, these are the voyages of NASA, Voyager I and II. After leaving earth on September 5, 1977 Voyager I has reached the edge of the suns heliosphere and is poised to give us a view of inter-galactic space. If we ever want to travel in it we have to know what it’s made of. Nice job NASA. The Hubble space telescope look’s back over 12 billion years. In a universe that’s 13.7 billion years old, that’s pretty damn close. With the James Web telescope coming out we will soon see the edge of our universe. According to the Hubble team we have seen the number of galaxies decrease to an average of 7 per quadrant at the furthermost distance Hubble has seen. We expect to see less galaxies until there is nothing and that will be the dark ages of the universe. A time before light existed. Oh, they also landed another rover on Mars, privatized low orbit space flight and decided to go back to the moon and build a small settlement on Mars. Just another year in space. This is reality T.V..
7. The Zombie Apocalypse.
The end of the world just won’t die. We’ve anxiously awaited the zombies, reptilians, Mayans, Nibiru’s return and rainbow zombie unicorns. Hey, our best-selling this past year was the rainbow zombie unicorn bustier.
Photo courtesy of BillBoard.com
6. Saying Goodbye
This time last year I posted a SodaHead Poll about what you would miss the most about 2011. Amy Winehouse was the most popular answer. This year we’ll say good-bye to Whitney Houston. There’s no need to post a poll, we know the answer already. Good bye Whitney.
Other Notable Losses for 2012 include:
- Maurice Sendak, 83, American author and illustrator (Where the Wild Things Are, Little Bear), complications of a stroke. 
- Adam Yauch, 47, American musician (Beastie Boys) and film director (Gunnin’ for That No. 1 Spot), salivary gland cancer.
- Rusty Mills, 49, American animator (Animaniacs, Pinky and the Brain, The Replacements), colon cancer
Photo courtesy of Ada County Sheriff’s Dept.
5. Party Mom
When your mom gets all your friends drunk then does them and your 15, you might just have a party mom. Courtney Sue Reschke a mom from Kuna, Idaho is accused of providing alcohol to and then having sex with four 15 year old boys. Read more of this story here. Way to go mom, again, reality T.V. only copies the real stuff.
4. tumblr’s taken down
the internet blogging site tumblr gets taken down by hackers, again. The GNAA hacks tumblr as a protest of internet blogging accusing the hobby of lowering journalistic standards. I, as you probably would have guessed, have a tumblr blog, hence our feature Tumblr Girl Shorts of the Day. However it is little more than a self generated re blog of this blog, I do occasionally post something there I feel fits that blogs use as opposed to this one. I also have a less used A.S.F.E.blogger.com, my highly neglected science blog, and yet was never aware I was harming journalistic standards and have generated enemies. I’m sorry if I have offended anyone with my posts, that was clearly not my intent. Now back to work tumblr, you too have something to say.
Photo courtesy of Very Demotovational.com
3. Year of the duck face
If 2012 was anything it was defiantly the year of the duck. Girls love to take pictures of themselves in the bathroom mirror. Blonde tan hotties shooting duck face in the bathroom mirror have clogged the halls of cyber space. The duck face wars of 2012 eventually spawned the self shot wars. My antique phone pic, Lincoln’s self shot, self shot with my ipad, my flat screen, these things have been a scream.
At least America’s hobbies are as egotistical as it’s citizens. Your not cool till you have a duck face facebook profile picture.
Photo courtesy of JustJared.com
2. Britney’s Shorts
What Do Your Shorts Say? is a blog based on the art of expressing yourself by wearing a pair of shorts that say something across the back, thus causing people to read your shorts and stare at your behind at the same time. Thanks to yoga mom’s becoming to lazy to change after class we have already seen the acceptance of yoga pants as main stream clothing. So it’s not like there wasn’t a reason to look, but with advertisements on the back of your shorts and sweat pants, girls can really sell it. Way to go America, make’em read your butt! So when Britney was finally spotted this year in pair of Pink shorts, we got excited. Thanks Britney for making them read your butt!
Photo courtesy of TheMetaPicture
1. Four more years
President re-elect Barack Obama gets four more years to fix the economy, deal with Iran, Israel, North Korea, China, a bleeding Japanese nuclear power plant, two wars, legalized pot in Washington and Colorado, the middle east, religion in national policy, global warming, hurricane Sandy, asteroids, solar flares, gay marriage and keeping the government afloat. Good luck Mr. President, and again, better than reality T.V.. Your president is also on twitter and you can follow him here.
Congratulations internet, thank you for 2012, it’s been fun. Now back to work internet cat.
by The Rev James Jones